Undervalued and Unfriended

I just can't help but feel like I am not valued by humans. I have always had trouble with friends. My expectations are high and I know that, and even attempt to fix it. Countless times I have opened my heart and life to a friend and have been hurt or felt neglected. Neglected So. Many. Times. If a friendship is one-sided, it isn't a friendship to me. I feel like I put in effort to keep a friendship going, but I'm not sure anyone can endure silence on the other end. There are people in my life that I know I am valuable to. My husband and kids. My sister. My aunt. These people make an effort to talk to me. My aunt always tells me how much she misses me. My sister always makes time for me, even when she's busy. Why is it that I only feel like people who are family actually want to talk to me? I have a group of friends, one of whom used to be my neighbor and one of whom used to be my boss. Of the six of them, those are the only two who check in with me if they haven't heard from me in a while and sometimes not even then. One of the group I don't really like, as in, we wouldn't be friends if this group didn't exist. One lives in a city three hours away, so we aren't close. One is a very quiet lady that just doesn't fit the mold- no kids, not married- though we have similar jobs (she helps her parents take care of her brother) and love love love dogs. The last of the group, well, we just don't click. Nothing wrong there, she is very nice and laid back. Since the pandemic started, I have struggled to be able to go to our regular Sunday night gatherings. They stopped for a while since we weren't supposed to get together in groups, but once they started up again I've had trouble. Only a select few can watch my client as you have to be vetted and trained, and she had been going to her mom's during the week instead of Sunday night so I felt it was too much to ask for that time off. My husband is my assistant, meaning he is vetted and trained, but first, he doesn't like her, and second, I am just not as comfortable leaving her under his care alone as I was with my last client who saw him as a father figure and adored him appropriately. I just don't trust this client the way I wish I could. So, that leaves me with only one option, her mother, and they had a falling out that has left me with only my husband as an option. The gathering tonight is at a different home than usual and I asked for honest feedback about whether I could bring my client and the results weren't "no", but might as well have been. I'm just frustrated because I feel like if this situation happened to others, it would be more okay with the group. I completely understand that my client is annoying and interrupts and doesn't mind her own business. I really do. I know there's no good solution, but I guess I just don't feel like my absence means anything to the group. Another group of friends I have only get together when I coordinate. They all talk to each other, for various reasons, throughout the month, and me only when we're together. I keep up with one woman more than the others, but again, it's just me. She's very busy and I respect that. I just find it hard to swallow when I'm sitting there with the group and they're talking about things they've already talked about together recently. Awkward. One friend I've had since elementary school just kind of faded out. I felt really odd about that one as I'd driven down to visit her a couple of times in the next state and one day realized she was only giving me short answers when I'd text to check in on her and the last couple of times she's come up she hasn't told me or made an effort to see me. Red flags flying all around. I took it upon myself to send her a message asking if I'd done something wrong. That was a couple of weeks ago and I haven't heard back. I have a friend a few states away that keeps up via text and Facebook Messenger. She's a wonderful woman and I can't wait till she moves back as she says she will when her husband retires. Unfortunately she sends mixed messages as well. She drove from Mississippi here to visit her specialist food doctor but didn't tell me in advance that she was coming. She doesn't work and several of her friends would have put her up for the night, so I'm not sure why she wouldn't have made the choice to visit while she was here. I don't think she visited with anyone else either, but it just all seems strange to me. The last friend I bonded with was one I've been friends off and on with since sixth grade. We've always kind of drifted in and out. The last time we drifted out was more because I disagreed with some of her choices like taking a prescription drug recreationally. I didn't want someone that immature in my life at the time. This time we've been "in" friendship had been great up until a couple of events. First, she got angry at me for not attending her party, berating me for failing her despite being a usually dependable person. I had apologized, told her my legitimate reason for not attending, and felt no need to grovel. The straw that broke the friendship was a conversation we had where I wanted to see if she would help me gather a group of women that hung out together in high school, some of whom she is still friends with. She ripped me a new one for trying to steal her friends and said she wasn't interested in being my social broker. She was quite nasty, and I realized she must not know me at all or care that that is not the kind of person I am. Also, to speak to me that way was completely irrevocable. I can forgive but I'm not stupid enough to forget when someone treats me so badly. There was a third incident that I just can't remember. I was very disappointed because I made it a point to do whatever I could to support her. Babysitting kids (one of whom is a complete brat), sitting with her during her husband's surgeries (the first time I offered and it was local, the second time was an hour away and she asked if I'd help distract her), and being generous with my money whenever I could, like paying for her birthday dinner (which she did not reciprocate-not that I really care) and buying "just because" gifts. I thought she was valuable enough to keep right up until that string of incidents that proved me wrong. I just won't stand for someone speaking to me in a such a way. There are many others throughout the years that I've attempted to befriend but for whatever reason can't bond with. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've asked the Lord so many times. So many times. I know I can be intense, especially on a subject I am passionate about. I can't stand it when someone has the wrong impression of me or doesn't seem to understand what I'm trying to say, and I can come across argumentative when I only mean to explain. I love history and trivia and will often talk about subjects others aren't familiar with--kind of like a know it all. All this to say, I know my faults. I know I talk too much. But I also know there's more to me than those faults. Are those faults so bad that no one can stand to be my friend? Am I simply choosing from the wrong groups of people? How do I go about finding more appropriate candidates for friendship? Is there an algorithm I can use to determine if someone would be a good candidate-like, fill out this questionnaire and we'll see if we're a match. Haha! Wouldn't that be something? Anyway, I just want to be valued for all that I am. I know my good qualities and I think I'm a good human. I guess I just need to get out there and find the right gals. I'll have to start working on that questionnaire though...